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This one is for kathy. heh   
10:00am 12/02/2006
mood: calm
Recently i got an email saying i havent posted.. in... well... a while.

So here is an update.

I dont really post on DJ or LJ anymore. I'm addicted to myspace. I quit the job at swiss to get the job at david's bridal. Its ok so far. I'm suppose to be in today for 12:00... and i'm still debating if its worth risking the poor driving conditions to get there. I still have to clean off my car. I am still dating nick, and today is actually 9 months. (i'd have a kid by now if i were pregnant when i started dating him) haha. I attend CCSU and my major is art teaching. Everything kind of just fell into place. Lately a fun site for me is www.eplans.com

I think i want to have my house built. Ofcourse this wont happen for a few more years. I don't want to live in an appartment. I want to get married to nick sometime after college. I want my career to work out after college.

In april i'm going to see Dane Cook in boston. My credit card currently is paid off. I have been saving up money in an account for nick and myself for later in life.

Nick works at the library and with my mom at price chopper. He says he likes it there so far.

Nick and i have a turtle together. Mikey we call it. He lives at nicks house. He's adorable.

Fishy passed away, and we gave AL the algea eater to petco. So now all i have is perauna.

I think i'm going to try to go to work, but i'm silly. Mom offered me the money they were going to pay me for today to not go in. yet, i still want to go. mainly because i'm still new, and i dont want to give them the wrong impression. Wouldnt want work to think i'm a flake.

I have little time for anything now... mainly myself. My me time is spent with nick late at night, until i cant keep my eyes open. I try to spend time with friends, but that too is a hard thing to do. Lately nick and i have hung out with helen & tim, or christine & greg. And thats not very often. I do try to see others, but it always falls through.

Nick quit Eod recently. For a few reasons. I cannot say i agree with some of the reasons, and how he feels, but i do respect his decision. I just hope he is happy after EOD.

i have to go get ready now.
i am on aim all the time... soo.... if you want to talk ...seriously, IM me.


one really long entry   
08:10pm 18/08/2005
  The more that I think about it, the more it worries me. This is going to be a long entry, I can feel it now. So if you don’t want to read it, I don’t mind. To you it might just be a lot of pointless babble anyhow.

I have a lot on my mind at this moment. I just read Jon’s Dead Journal, and it made me think up a lot of things I wish I hadn’t. But since it’s in my head, I might as well get it out in the open and talk about it. I know there’s really nothing I can do about this now, or maybe there is and I am just avoiding it with a lot of people.

I was thinking about this slightly the other day come to think of it. When I was over Cherannes’s house. A lot of people I used to know/ be friends with, either died, or became drug addicts. Very few remained unharmed from life’s changes or pressures. It made me question who I would still have been friends with if I never moved... seeing how a lot of times since Manchester, I wished I hadn’t moved. Honestly I think I would be friends with the group I hung out with at Cheranne’s, and probably still with Stephanie, a little of Jessica, and maybe Dayna as well. It bothers me hearing how a few of my old friends are using drugs or drinking all the time. Honestly if I never moved and found out a friend was doing drugs and there was no way it would stop, I’d stop being friends with that person because it would scare me. Their future would scare me, not the thought of peer pressure because that has never got to me before. I’d want to help them, and knowing that there is probably nothing I can do to help them, that would probably eat me up inside.

What ever happened to Jon and I? I’d be lying if I said I didn’t know. Then again, for most of it, I wouldn’t be lying if I said I don’t remember. I’ve been through a lot of good with him, and I’ve been through .....a lot .... of bad. All I know is that when he moved he started doing a lot of things that scared me. As much as I wanted to be his friend, or even at times how much I wanted to date him again, in the back of my mind the fact that he was doing drugs and that his life seemed to have been a total mess scared me. I knew that I couldn’t help him, and even If I was able to help him, what if my help left him for some reason... would he resort back to what he was doing? How could I put that responsibility and guilt on my shoulders? Do I miss Jon? Yes I do, but I miss him from before he went to college. I’m not saying this so try and change him or anything, or question if what he’s doing for himself is the right choice or not, but I am saying this because I’m sorry if I do seem like a cliff hanger friend, but the situation I was in scared me, plus, it seemed like you didn’t have the time for my friendship. Then again, did I? ...or did I just not want to try it?

What happened to Helen? What happened to the little group we once had? Boyfriends, happened, and mainly a lot of changes in life happened. College happened. *sigh* I miss the old gang. Then again, it would be near impossible to get everyone back together again. So what am I complaining about if there isn’t a thing I can do about it?

Am I happy right now? For the most part, yes I am. I’ve been dating nick for over 3 months now, and I can see myself being with him for a hell of a lot more. I have someone I love who loves me back the same. I’m going to college, and I’m trying my best to get through it so I can get a real job. I’m meeting new people along the way, which is definitely a nice thing. My family life is okay, there are a few things that I don’t think will ever change but one can’t really complain, because things could be worse.

So what am I complaining about exactly? Honestly I don’t know. Maybe the fact that I’m losing friends because of life, and maybe personal growth. Maybe some friends I once had urk me now, and that’s why I’m saying away? Who knows.

all I know is I’m sick of growing up.

I either want to be a kid, or I want to already be on my own with a real job and such. I don’t like this changing stuff in between. Rawr.
This is why i'm not here anymore   
08:34am 30/06/2005
  For those of you who would like to keep yourself updated on my life, this is where i am now.


If you want to read all of my journal entries, create and account. I have most of them on friends view only.

^_^ there ya go stacey
What is this? A live journal update? This is insane!!   
08:22pm 23/05/2005
mood: loved
Hello my dear friends that I have neglected updating my journal to. I am sorry for the lack of posts. I actually started a new journal blogging sensation on myspace. But i will be sure to update this and my dead journal from time to time.

My life is going wonderfully. I am going to be attending GIBBS college on July 11th. I am in a great relationship with the most amazing boyfriend on the face of this earth. Work is going well, and I really like the new girls. Seems like after so much bad that has happened to me, my life is finally turning around and becoming good again. Hopefully this will be a constant.

I've been pretty busy lately, and I'm already planning summer trips with friends. If you want me to hang out with you sometime, then please call me and lemme know when. 324-1580. Make sure its in advance, so i can see if i can take it off from work and such. =)

<3 more updates to come. Have a wonderful day. I miss most of you!
     Read 2 - Post
02:00pm 04/04/2005
mood: groggy
So its decided and finalized. I'm accepted into gibbs college as a design major. I'm going to be there for a year and a half starting July 11, 2005 and ending december 2006. Supposidly they help you get interviews and find jobs for your major. Which is pretty cool seeing how i might have a career in a year and a half. I'm not sure if i'll continue school afterwards. I may so i can get my bachelors, or masters. who knows.
     Read 1 - Post
amazingly there is :)   
08:52am 07/02/2005
  If there is at least one person in your life whom you consider a close friend, and whom you would not have met without the internet, post this sentence in your journal.

I suppose I met Mike through the net, even though he lives in town and knows most the people I knew from school.
Lookit, i'm a person!   
12:28pm 29/12/2004
Your World (Part One): What is your world made of? [girls]

brought to you by Quizilla

Things may or may not get interesting very soon. Until then ...good day :)
Happy chrismakwanzahanika =D   
07:59am 24/12/2004
mood: busy
So yesterday was nice. I visited with Audrey, and it was nice to see Kayla again. After the visit I went home and BOTH my parents were home. I was a little surprised. I chatted with them for a while when i was getting ready for work. I got yet again, ANOTHER insurance card. Yeah. This is like the third or fourth time this year i had to change it. Lemme tell you, it gets a little annoying. So i went to work from 4:30-close. Nellie was there and was like "OMG i'm so happy to see you! now i can go on my lunch". it was 4:30 or 5 when she went on her lunch, and she was there since 10? >.> I feel bad when she cant take breaks normally. Tim came in at 5:00 and so did leah- so we had three cashiers. Chris was working in the back alone though, and diana was the manager. It was a pretty slow night. I reorganized the tie rack, and bailed maybe over a hundred ties. ::laughs:: they're all so hideoso! ;)

After work I went home, changed, then went to the mall. I got all my christmas shopping done except for muh grandmas there. I ran into jessica from work at the card store, and zippy/reihonna at yankee candle. I haven't seen reihonna in sooooo long. Since like .....uhm... that party thing i think o_O for her graduation. Or. something ^.^ (if shes reading- HI!) It was nice to see zippy too, i never really see him anymore. after the mall i headed over to wal~mart. BAD IDEA. the lines went to the dressing room area. WTF O_O I decided i would tuff it out anyways. I saw Diana from work there in the kitchen isle. =) it was nice. And a lady i didnt know was being friendly and giving me advice about juicers. ...i didnt get the juicer, because of the lines. lol. Instead i went to walgreens and found stuff to compleete my shopping experience. I got home and was so tired and hungry. So i ate and watched tv for a while. After I was done relaxing I wrapped all the freaking gifts that were left to be wrapped. Most of them i was just lazy and put 'em in bags. I'm aloud to though seeing how much shit i had to wrap this year. Mine and my mothers stuff. >_< erf! After that i cleaned up then went online and talked to Mike, Baxter and Ivan A. ...I think thats all i talked to o_O ::shrug:: Then around 2ish i went to bed. and got up 6:30 pressed snooze till 7:15. I just took a shower, and now here i am in my towle writing about all of this. lol. I work today until 1 (thank you mike for not making me stay till 6) Then i go home and do family stuff (hopefully nap before hand) and open gifts, then maybe I'll swing by Audreys depending on how much time I have left. I might stop by peoples houses to give their gifts too. Unfortunately i feel very weak today. The past two days my health was great but today i really could just call out sick, but i wont. I'm going to stick through it. Especially when alex made that comment that i was out having fun. I shoulda kicked him. Him saying that and i just got back from getting blood taken. ::Growls:: Makes me wonder who told him that. Rob thinks he just made it up to get to me, because everyone saw me ghost white and saw how weak i was that day i came in when i was sick. SO its not like they dont know i got something wrong with me. ::shrug:: ANYWHO, i gotta get ready s'more.

<3 Happy holidays! <3

01:02am 17/12/2004
mood: excited
time to be optimistic, and make my life a life i want. =)

I'm sorry i've been pessimistic lately. I did what had to be done, and i'm happy. Only a few other things to get out of the way and accomplish now. ::smiles:: I feel brighter.

I've decided i'm going to do a big school search. Seeing how im not exactly sure of what I want to be doing with my life, I'm going to wing it until i figure out for sure what i want to go to school for. Right now the things are either interior decorator or psychologist. ...i'm turning away from leaving for savannah. I dont think its something i want to chance. I'll chance it once i have a supportive job i can fall back on.

I talked a while with someone today, and i'm really glad i talked with this person. I'm not sure if they know it or not but that talk really seemed to help me alot. It made me feel sane. ::Smiles::

I'm not going to MCC next semester i think. I'm going to ask for a different schedule from karen. Maybe i can do a Monday - Friday 8-6 schedule. 50 hours a week? I'd have nights and weekends free... doesnt seem too bad. It'll keep me busy and on a schedule since i wont be in school, and i'll be able to save up for college. That would actually be a pretty sweet paycheck seeing how its biweekly... $720? ...not too shabby i guess. Ofcourse i could always make more then 7.20 an hour but eh oh well. Anyways, i might even be able to pull of another job too with swiss. That way my spending money could be from swiss, and my saving/bill money can be with goodwill. ::nods::

Thats if all works out though.

=) I got my ambition back.

now if only i can get rid of this sickness i have.

God i hope its not mono or a thyroid problem >.>


anywho. <3 love you guys.
If everyone else jumped off a bridge, would you?! ...Yes.   
10:42pm 05/12/2004
mood: depressed

How evil are you?

Pah, somehow i knew.

T H E - 4 1 1
[my name is]: Cheryl
[in the morning I am]: Groggy
[all i need is]: Love and many people in my life
[love is]: The best gift to give me.
[if I could see one person right now]: My dead grandpa, ::shrug:: I just have an urge to talk to him lately.
[I'm afraid of]: Getting attatched to things, and losing what I'm attatched to.
[i dream about]: Death

W I T H - T H E - O P P O S I T E - S E X ?
[what do you notice first]: Height. ...I gotta. =\
[last person you slow danced with]: uhm.. Jeff Snow
[tall or short]: I like 'em lengthy, but its usally not too much of an issue.

W H O ?
[makes you laugh the most?]: Tim
[makes you smile]: Heather
[gives you a good funny feeling when you see them]: The people I spend my time with most. ...If you asked me like a little less then a year ago i'd have a better answer for you.
[has a crush on you?]: No clue, probably no one.
[easier to talk to: boys or girls?]: Guys, ...girls tend to dislike me because i can crush them as if i were the incredible hulk ^.~

D O - Y O U - E V E R ?
[sit on the internet all day waiting for someone special to I.M. u?]: Oh its all hope, just because i do it doesnt mean it happens.
[save aol/aim conversations]: I used to, but I've stopped. Most of my conversations are so trivial. Though if i come across a conversation thats hilarious, or gives me a warm feeling, I'll save it so when i feel depressed I can have something to look at so I know that my life ain't so bad.
[cried because of someone saying something to you]: Alot of times. People are pretty hurtfull

H A V E - Y O U - E V E R ?
[fallen for your best friend]: Hmm Everyone so far.
[been rejected]: Yeah, a lot.
[rejected someone]: a couple times, but only one that I semi regret... but it was probably for the better anyhow. Even if we arent close friends anymore.
[used someone]: I'd never use someone
[been cheated on]: A few times. I'm kinda like the person who's easy to take atvantage of, because i forgive so easily unfortunatly
[done something you regret]: Yes, but not alawys was it a shamefull thing I did, sometimes it was just sad decisions.

W H O - W A S - T H E - L A S T - P E R S O N ?
[you talked to]: My dad (in Real life) Jeph (right now online)
[hugged]: Mike
[you instant messaged]: Jeph
[you laughed with]: Chris and or Robert (@ work)

D O - Y O U ?
[color your hair]: Never again, unless i feel the urge to ofcourse.
[habla espanol]: Yes ...Si... Oui?

H A V E - Y O U ? // D O - Y O U ? / / A R E - Y O U?
[smoke]: Never (kills people i love) =(
[obsessive]: Only when its of importance.
[could you live without the computer?]: If i did it before i'd find a way to do it again, but my computer is an addiction. I'm starting to not use it so much, but its hard.
[how many peeps are on your buddylist?]: 190... but how many do i talk to?!
[what's your favorite food?]: Orange chicken, that other chicken stuff and egg noodles at that place in the mall. Or stuff at fire and ice, or sushi, or fettachuni alfredo with chicken, orrrr.... >.> God i'm a fatty :(
[whats your favorite fruit?:] Apparently the same as jons.
[which hurts the most, physical pain or emotional pain?]: Emotional. I fear that pain way to much, because with physical when it comes too hard to bear you tend to go into trauma and it doesnt hurt at all, it just turns into a fit of scaryness
[trust others way too easily?]: Too much if you ask me :(

F I N A L - Q U E S T I O N S ?
[i want]: Love back, in more ways then one.
[i wish]: I loved life.
[i love]: Feeling good
[i miss]: My friends
[i fear]: I have no one.
[i hear]: Many depressing thoughts in my head.
[i wonder]: what jeph just wrote, because he's blinking.

first real best friend: Dayna Bradstreet. ^.^ ... =(
first real memory: clinging to a strange man at universal because i thought it was my mom, but when the lights came back on in that place where you view stars... i found out my mom went tot he bathroom and the arm i clung to belonged to a weird looking biker guy with long blonde hair who found it so cute i didnt wanna let go. I think i cried. ::laughs::
first car: Ford Escort (its pimp ;))
first real break-up: Mahk. I wonder if i can list them.
Mark Jon Jeph Jeff o_O Wtf, only 4??? I'm amazed. I know there were alot before Mark .... like Tim, Devin, Demario, uhm... ...a whole bunch in middle school i dont really remember to well, but i think the most real relationships started with mark.
first screen name: kitkat02 or kitkat002
first self-purchased album: Backstreet boys? probably
first funeral: Grandpa (hah jon, we still have a few things in common) ^.~
first pet: Duke and Beauty
first big trip: Florida
first concert: That small concert in manchester with unheard of punk bands. Then the machine in new york, then something corporate with tim.
first music you remember hearing in your house: Radio

last cigarette: Never
last car ride: Driving home from work
last good cry: A couple nights ago, I cried myself to sleep literally
last library book checked out: I check out movies :) sometimes
last movie seen: IMAX polar express, A bad movie, But awesome effects that made the plot not even matter.
last swear word uttered: Fuck. ... I hit my knee into the counter at work. I think customer laughed at me, or though i had teretz. ::shrug;:
last beverage drank: Juice :)
last food consumed: Hot pocket
last crush: Not sure, I think i confuse crushes and people I have a liking for. Crushes is more a step down from stalking i think. ;)
last phone call: mmmmmm...ike.
last tv show watched: 5th element. ...it was on tv. :)
last time showered: this morning
last shoes worn : my ugly work shoes.
last cd played: new found glory?
last item bought: erm... another gift for my brother, that crazed nut o_O
last annoyance: eh, lets not talk about it.
last disappointment: again lets not talk about it.
last time wanting to die: Today. Well I think about it alot.
last time scolded : hmm... Thursday night from my dad i think. He yells for no reason alot.
last shirt worn: Hoodie =) so soft ^.^
last webpage visited: Dead journal ofcourse =)
01:36pm 29/11/2004
  what are your thoughts if i were to move to savannah georgia? ...

come next school year.

honestly. should i?
     Read 13 - Post
fuck that   
11:35pm 18/11/2004
mood: pissed off
you want me to go to hell?

I can't fucking wait to get out of this state and away from you, you asshole!
     Read 4 - Post
oh my!   
01:17pm 08/11/2004
Love and Sex With Your Friends by dannygrl0129
Favorite Color
Love of your life:sakurabubbles
Best sex of your life:oni_chan
Will make you come 1000 times:cradleof_filth
Will break your heart:baby_goddess
Best Kisser:cheshirelotus
Best cuddler:robot_grandma
You secretly dream of:zenya_sama
But this person dreams of you:autumndelirium
Will handcuff you and screw you silly:kisssweetliss
Quiz created with MemeGen!
     Read 4 - Post
judgment day   
09:52am 03/11/2004
mood: stressed
I decided to talk over with my mom about what I’m feeling with school and work. I was afraid she’d be mad, or think I’m just giving up or something. I really dislike MCC with a passion. I don’t understand why I’m having so much trouble with a stupid little community college. I’m in a predicament because I haven’t taken SAT’s thinking I’d go to MCC and not have to worry about the SAT’s. I don’t want to be at MCC anymore, and I don’t want my grades there to follow me to other colleges. I’m debating over dropping out of MCC all together and applying over at another college. If I drop out though, I’m going to have to take the SAT’s, and its too late for me to apply for next semester classes at another college, plus I don’t know what colleges are open enrollment or not. I might have to wait for next year. I’ve wasted so much money on MCC so far. I just got my financial aid check for this previous semester, which I’ve already paid for. Mom is worried that they’re probably going to ask for that money back if I drop out of MCC. I don’t know what to do exactly and I’m stressing out because I feel like a failure or something.

Something else that I’ve been stressing myself out over about is work. Lets face it, I get shit for pay, work a hell of a lot, and hate my job with a smile. I want to have a management job somewhere. I’m going to apply at the new “mall” they opened. Hopefully they’ll hire me so then this wont be such a big problem, but if they don’t then I don’t see many other options. Unfortunately I turned down that daycare job because at the time I was working full time at goodwill and they took forever to want me to work for them. Mom doesn’t want me to quit Goodwill until I have another job lined up though, which, of course is the tricky part.

With all that being said, I think those are the only problems really happening to me right now, which are pretty big because if you think about it, …MCC and Goodwill have been my life for a while. From what my mother tells me, I guess Adam is feeling the same way I am about MCC. At least its not just me. That must be a terrible thing to say but if it’s not just me feeling this way then I don’t feel so much like a failure or alone in this problem.

Everyone at work is getting sick. My throat is starting to bother me a lot. So far my throat doesn’t ‘look’ sick, but it sure feels it. I’m worried that my glands are getting swollen because they’re very lumpy right now and usually you can’t feel them.

Anyhow, my plans for today are to do laundry, take a shower, call out of work (feel sick and don’t want to get sicker from work) then go down to that mall and hopefully apply if its open. When my dad gets home I’ll discuss school with him and my mom.

So that’s my life in a nut shell. Oh yeah, I’m also dating Mike, I don’t think I’ve told many people about that, but a few I’ve talked to have just kind of assumed it. ::Shrug::

<3 ::love::
01:15pm 27/10/2004
mood: good
I'm really liking my new icon ^.^ ::glee::



Jesus, EVERYONE ...well ok... 4 people came into goodwill that i knew. O_O I was nearly getting in trouble for it too. *laughs* Oh well. It shocked me that people were coming in to visit me, because frankly no one does. well... except once in a while when tim or heather and mark come in, but thats rare.

Tomorrow will be nice. I go into work and mike kirsten and i are going to call that number to complain.

So much homework tonight >_< yikes. I'm not going to be able to sleep :( ::pout::

So much stuff i have to do too. =\

I want vacation :(

NO SCHOOL TUESDAY ^.^ *glee* ...though i work
:( but eh oh well

ok! gonna go <3 Comment on my new icon, tell me if you'd kiss me or not (it'll let me know if my icon is working or not ;))
     Read 2 - Post
12:22am 29/09/2004
You are Aelita!

Which Code: Lyoko Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Quiz jackie took ...again i dont know what this is from ..i've never seen it, looks cool though :)
Its my birthday   
10:34am 23/09/2004
mood: okay
I'm 18 today ^.^
     Read 10 - Post
duno what that means but hell....   
03:12pm 20/09/2004
  50% seme
50% Seme

How seme are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
     Read 4 - Post
07:21am 12/09/2004
  Peoples moods totally fuck with mine... most of the time, without me noticing. Like, when people are pissed off, or dont want me there, or theres something else wrong, it totally drains me, i become broody, and i close up really tightly.

I just figured that out last night. Mark was tired and cranky, yelling and in a very bad mood. My mood was depressed to begin with, but his mood totally fucked with my mood, and i became really bad.

I started thinking about it. All those times before, who was it?

...who fucked with my mood?

its not too hard to figure out.

anyways i have to work. bye
realizing love   
10:22am 03/09/2004
  I know nothing of love. I don't know what love is anymore. I've been mistaken. I see it and know its there, but i cant see it for myself, or have it. Love to me is a joke. I have so much of it, but i cant give or recieve anyone it- no one is willing. Atleast the ones who i thought worthy arent. Instead I receive a false love, and that is when i go numb. My pain tolerance excells. I've lost loved. I think losing love is what i'm afraid of, not being in love. But now that i'm questioning love itself, i love no one, and dont see how anyone can love me.

(an entry not suitable for dj or xanga)
     Read 3 - Post